Grabby Aliens

Here is a very interesting video from our friends at Youtube.

Notice the title.

“The reason is grabby aliens.”

Now, I know that Youtube videos often have “gotcha” teasers that lure us into clicking on their thumbnails with promises of topless this-n-that, but this particular video is so technical– if this damn thing is trying to be tricky I’d have to give the chap who created it four stars for sheer lack of self-awareness.

(Note: I knew there was something wrong with the above– and kept trying to figure it out. I had “sheer” spelled “shear.” Yes, I too engage in vocab blurring…. the shame.)

C’mon bro. Nobody is going to be “fooled” into watching your math video.

So what the hell is he doing here?

I’m asking because this video is VERY interesting and talks about something that I’m interested in (aliens) but it gets the CAUSE and EFFECT backwards and just seems goofy and confusing. Well, to ME it’s goofy. To Joe Youtube it’s probably just a confusing mess.

Because you can’t just reverse “cause” and “effect.” No. Do not do that.

But this guy does it.


The argument being made (very poorly) here is that homo sapiens appeared on this planet WAY before we had any right to. We are way early, statistically speaking. The odds of humans popping up on Earth right after the damn thing cooled (in geologic terms) is off the charts crazy unlikely.

We’re a miracle. No shit. According to serious science guys.


Science guys tend to be wild-ass atheists who want to find out where God lives and kill him before anybody finds out. They just hate hate hate anything that smells of “miracle” juice. They also hate the fact that the universe looks EMPTY of other life. Totally empty.

So what to do? The numbers do not lie.

But wait.

What if, all other things being equal, we have a situation where, say, some humans JUST HAPPENED to pop up on a planet, say, EARTH, for example, and they are WAY unlikely (and really early). Like showing up at the Taylor Swift concert at the X and finding the place deserted. Why, Lord, why did Taylor desert me? Here’s the likely scenarios, if you’re a scientist and don’t get out much.

Taylor is going to give you a personal performance, just for you, lap-dance included. The whole thing is in your honor. Lucky nerd, you.


You are early. Way, way early. Early as some fool who thinks he may have stumbled into a personal, command performance like some Ottoman Sultan would get in an alternate universe where the Ottomans still rule the world.

So you showed up at the concert eight hours early. Of course it’s empty. “Derp” as we cool kids say.

No mystery. Your earliness ‘SPLAINS the stadium emptiness. YAH?

Now let’s get back to our friend the hopeless lost author of elaborate Youtube videos about statistics.

IF humans are early, then the universe should be empty. This is a meaningless triviality UNLESS you are a fanatic atheist, THEN it’s important because you can say that the (apparent) emptiness is proof (somehow) that our being early is just a way random, way accidental, way peculiar accident and not an act of God.

I mean, God would have “peopled” the universe because, you know, he’s a Trek fan.

But with NO GOD we have a few early risers like humans, who look out and see diddley-squat as far as other life in the universe, and that ‘splains that. We can even go so far as to say that the EMPTINESS of the stadium IS THE REASON that we are early.

“Mom, I went to a Taylor concert, and I went early because the stadium was empty.”


Except that it doesn’t explain anything. The lack of “others” out there does not “explain” shit. It’s just a logical extension of the idea that we’re “early” and that earliness is still pretty weird. Almost supernatural.

But if you’re really, really determined to make a point about “no god” then you can use this statistic to “support” your case by just waving your hands and insisting that it’s true.

So how about this?

“Mom, I went to a Taylor concert, and I went early because the stadium was empty AND I FIGURED THAT I COULD GET A BETTER SEAT– AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT MY FRIEND, GOD, TOLD ME.


Two choices.

Mad-dog atheist scientists kill themselves now… or…

Let’s get busy. We’uns IS the GRABBY ALIENS!!!

DEUS LO VOLT!!!!!!!!

Git busy grabbin’– and I don’t CARE what you’re GRABBIN’– JUST START GRABBIN’!!!!

Science and Theology so seldom agree on anything. Can’t we all just get along? This one time?


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