I’ve been playing with some paint from the “miniature painting” side of Nerdtopia and I’m going to post my opinion just as soon as I stop being so lazy.
Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.
But for now, I’ll just say that if you swing by a hobby store these days, you may find some righteous killer paint from Japan or Germany or some other place where people have respect, or you MAY find a whole bunch of new and scary paints that have nothing to do with the worldwide holocaust of the early twentieth century.
You may find orc paint.
Or mecha paint.
Or paint that reproduces the smooth, perfect flesh tones of the latest, um, “figures” from Japan where they really know how to figure, if-you-know-what-I’m-sayin’!
OH FOR GOD’S SAKE THE GIRLY DOLLS! THE FLIPPIN’ GIRLY DOLLS WITH THEY STUFF HANGING IN THE WIND!
Oh forget it.
Anyway, if you feel the need to paint some Tang on an astronaut diorama, or a giant robot, or itsy little dude called a Space Marine (?) then you will find boo-coo paints from companies like Vallejo and AK and Games Workshop, or other paint makers that I have never heard-of and have never explored.
There is nothing wrong with this paint, in theory. I just happen to dislike Vallejo Model Color, but that doesn’t mean I hate all weirdo paint in a plastic bottle. I’m willing to try new stuff. It’s just that the plastic squeeze bottles do not make me happy, especially when we are supposed to be talking about painting “miniatures” (or minis) and that is brush work. So why the plastic squeezy bottle? Well? Do I have to get the International Criminal Court in the Hague involved?
Answer the damn question.
Yeah I know it ain’t gonna happen.
I fell into the rabbit hole with Games Workshop’s “Citadel” paint and am still digging out from under the “layering” and all the specialized stuff that goes with it. For sure, Games Workshop is doing something that is Of the Devil. They are (or have, I suppose) remade their paint on the basis of HOW and not WHAT. By that I mean that you can’t go in and buy Citadel paint that is a glaze or a base coat or metallic or a “wash” unless you know where it fits into the GW “system” and that system is rather complex. It tells you how to paint, and you just buy and insert the paint unit into your Lego reality without having to learn how; you just pull it off the shelf and apply as instructed and WAA LAA you have a magic pony.
This is a part of a larger trend to define products by what they DO and not what they ARE. HOW over WHAT. This is a baad trend. It’s bad because you need to be able to move your feet in a fight, and when you are following the dance steps on the floor you can get tagged if your opponent (reality) is not welded to doing it by the numbers. While you’re trying to determine which “product” can be plugged in to make this work, Reality just slips to the right and knocks you out while you were thinking.
Inflexible “rules” mean hobbies suck. There are no rules in hobbies. That’s why they have that sissy name. If there were rules, it would be called “work” and it would suck all the harder for being hung up on “rules.” Rules that nobody follows because they are so damn awkward.
What? Nurse! Am I going to get my medication or what!?!
I did find some good paint that I like. It’s made by The Army Painter and it’s good stuff. Thins well with Windex (for painting plastic airplane kits) and can be removed from the awful plastic bottle.