Where does time go?
Ah… I mean “where does THE time go?” That other question… well I’ll get back to you on that one.
I’ve been happily playing at being “A Youtuber” but now (I guess) it’s time to proceed to the checkout and do some things. My biggest obstacle, as always, has been myself. I just seem to NEVER run out of handy excuses to avoid doing something. In this case I’ve been avoiding actually making a video, because I had to get it clear in my head just exactly what I’m trying to do.
At first, I wanted to (somehow) magically transform into a retired dentist from Omaha, Nebraska, named Pete who would gently chide and otherwise do thing described by words I don’t know, and, with a smile, fill all of your Comfy old uncle needs while I religiously followed Youtube’s standards of excellence, and, one day, I’d end up with one of those kool metal wall hangin’s that have a “play button” on ’em.
You know the ones.
While I was dreaming of Youtube glory I made some videos and determined that I had a LOT of work to do to get up to even the lowly standards I’ve established for myself. First, I had to give up on becoming Pete, the gentle but masculine voiced guy who narrates videos where mysterious gloved hands build magical models in accelerated space-time.
No, I’m the cranky old S.O.B. who is going to frighten children by telling them all the truth, and thereby causing a certain angel to open a seventh seal on a certain something-or-other.
RLM O2, group-think and all the rest will come into play as I vent all over Youtube, to the eternal ruin of my dreams of becoming the next Mr. Beast.
SO WHAT IF I DON’T GET A YACHT SO THAT I CAN GIVE IT AWAY TO SOME DUDE?? I needs to be me.
I also intend to tell the truth about painting, but let’s face it. That there is a rocky road.
The paint I’ve built my mighty empire in the air upon has been taken off the market, or changed in some horrible way (like in Pet Sematary) and my olde paints of yore are gone gone gone. I have been fooling around with some new stuff, but the essence of my teachings, Grasshopper, is that you don’t let The Man tell you how to paint. You crank up the William Tell Overture on the Youtube, you grab your EDC gear and you make your stand right there and then, on whatever dusty old carpeting your destiny has guided you to tread.
Dammit, if your paint is taken away by the Minions of Orthodoxy, you make new paint. If the Chinese kill off all the animals whose hair is turned into Camel Hair Brushes (whatever the Hell those animals may be) then you find some other brushes that work (almost) as well and you press on. You evade, you adapt, you adopt. You do not run crying to Daddy because “they” took away your toys. You make new toys, and when they are proven better than the old toys and everyone can see the shameful secrets of the corporate shills, you lead the multitudes to glorious victory over the forces of darkness.
…and then you cash in like Mr. Beast on Youtube by putting the whole thing online at 8K, where even the most reluctant nose hair will be fully visible to all– if they have super-broad-band internet, of course.
So, there’s my plan. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed making the whole thing up, er, I mean, writing it.